In the wake of windows intentionally broken in downtown Santa Cruz, there has been a tremendous reaction from the community. In many ways, Pacific Ave. represents the heart of our town, so it’s as if our very own hearts have been trampled.

I was surprised to see the City Council’s quick reaction to beef up the police department. This is the very same reaction that happened after 9/11, and what many of us started experiencing was more of a police state. Is that what we want? It seems our reactive response is to find who did it and punish them as if that will solve the problem. In the meantime, our jails and prisons keep growing, and violence increases.

Maybe it’s time we start asking deeper and more penetrating questions like how is the health of our community? Are our children given every opportunity to be supported, nurtured, and educated? What about our elders? Are their needs being met? What structures support us and how can we increase trust, safety, and connection in our community where people have no desire to throw objects through windows or hurt people.

While I do not condone violence, I think it’s important for us to ask ourselves why a few people would be inclined toward this kind of behavior. What needs of theirs are not being met? What statement were they wanting to make?

It’s been said that harmed people harm people. Healed people heal people. If we are to interrupt the cycle of violence in our communities, if we are to bring peace to the streets of Santa Cruz, we need a justice system that heals.

More and more communities are finding a solution in a restorative justice process, a system that asks the following questions, “what happened?”, “who was affected?”, and “what can we do as a community to make things right again?” We are experiencing a shift away from a system that is punitive to one that is healing, from retribution to restoration. It is my dream that Santa Cruz will follow that path.

Kelly Bryson, Christine King & Kristin Masters share about emotions and gender differences from a NVC perspective. Recorded towards the end of Conflict Improv (bring your fight night) @ Gateways Books, Santa Cruz,  1.12.10
“I shot this with a dslr camera with a manual kind of lens I’m getting used to” – Jeremy, the ‘videographer’

It ranges from couples communication to workplace relations… tell us what you take away from it

“Although attempting to bring about peace in the world through the internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way.” The Dalai Lama

We all want peace and compassion in our homes and communities and within ourselves, yet it is so easy to feel hopeless given news headlines and the conflicts in our daily lives. A powerful sense of hope can be ignited when people come together to experience and practice peacemaking and conflict transformation firsthand. Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz (NVCSC), a local nonprofit, is a hub for rekindling the hope and practice of peace.

Nonviolent Communication strengthens our ability to stay in touch with our humanity, even under challenging circumstances. Instead of habitual responses such as anger or avoidance, our words can become conscious responses based on an awareness of what we are observing, feeling, and wanting. Firstly, notice what is objectively happening (she punched her sister on her arm) is different than our thoughts or judgments about an action (she is disrespectful and mean) and notice our emotional and physical responses to our thoughts (anger, shoulder tension). If we create space for our observations, thoughts and feelings, it can be easier to know our deeper needs (I want safety and respect in our home) and engender curiosity about the deeper needs of others. How this internal journey looks to the outer world (kids) is limitless. One example is, “Safety really matters to me and I’d like peace in our home. Can we slow down and take a few moments to listen to what each of us want?” If there is already trust that we want to understand, not blame or punish, it could simply be, “Let’s hear from everyone what they want.”

The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative. Actually living it can be a bumpy road. As Marshall Rosenberg, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, says, “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” The continued practice and support to live compassionately can be found in the variety of classes offered by NVCSC, such as “Teen Parenting” and “NVC for Couples” or in 9-month Integration programs and 3-day retreats. NVCSC is delighted to support and sponsor the following programs for educators and families:

Educators NVC Retreat (9th annual)
July 6 to 11 NVCSC will sponsor for the second time in this area, “Teach for Life Educators Institute,” a 5-day residential retreat for teachers, administrators, counselors, and homeschool parents. Educators from around the world join local teachers to participate in powerful exercises for NVC skill-development, learn no-fault conflict transformation, and experience supported inquiry, empathy, and visioning. It provides abundant opportunities to network and share best practices with colleagues who also value a class environment that fosters trust and compassion, demonstrating leadership that is both empowered and empowering. This retreat models how “relationship intelligence” can replace “behavior management.”

Conflict Resolution
NVCSC has a new offering called Restorative Circles/Practices that supports schools or any organization in transforming conflict into an opportunity to rebuild understanding, trust, and safety. There are currently two schools in Santa Cruz County incorporating Restorative Practices both as a curriculum tool and as a form of conflict resolution. One teacher shared, “I love the holistic approach of Restorative Practices. Since introducing Sharing Circles in my classroom, I can attest there are fewer conflicts because children are being heard and acknowledged. We’ve used the Restorative Circle process several times to restore trust and connection between parents, teachers, and staff. Having adopted these practices school-wide has made a difference in that we now all know what to do when something occurs that needs mending.”

Peace Camp
August 2 to 6 the Jane Addams Peace Camp (sponsored by Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom, WILPF) is a fun-filled opportunity for kids and teens to learn and experience peace building. It has all the summer camp fun you could imagine—games, art, music, friends, food—integrated into an inspiring and respectful environment that builds children’s problem-solving tools, including NVC concepts and skills, embedded in fun, hands-on experiences. Teens play an active role as Youth Leaders and create their own social awareness activities, community action and mountain retreat. Camp is held on the campus of Orchard School in Aptos.

More Information

An informational evening sharing NVC in the Classroom (6:30pm) and Restorative Practices in Schools (7:00pm) will be held on April 12 at Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz, 225 Rooney Street, off Morrissey Blvd, adjacent to Quaker Meetinghouse. (A coordinator of Jane Addams Peace Camp will also be available for questions.)
Please RSVP at dezbanz@yahoo.com or (831) 824-4682.
NVC Santa Cruz website: www.nvcsantacruz.org
Jane Addams Peace Camp: glitsky@aol.com or 462-9023

Jennifer Young has supported peace in our community as a mediator, Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz board member, Restorative Circles facilitator, and coordinator of Teach for Life and Jane Addams Peace Camp.

In 2007 I went to a daylong “Empathy Intensive” Miki Kashtan was leading at BayNVC’s Oakland office.  During the workshop she addressed the use of the phrases like “giving empathy” & “receiving empathy”.  What I took away from her comments was that this way of describing the process lends itself to misunderstandings about how empathic connection can come about… ie “I need empathy from someone” implies dependence on another when in fact your needs are there, beneath your thinking, ready to receive you.

She shared her preference to instead think of ‘entering an empathic space’ with another person.  This helped me make sense of what I’d heard from Marshall Rosenberg, that empathy is not what you say (and not even what you feel), it’s where you put your attention!  This bring me to the name I’m using for this blog, “Empathic Space” – she uses this term in the video below, roughly two and a half minutes in.  The clip is part of the Empathy Documentary Project.

Miki will be in Santa Cruz Saturday, March 6th for a day exploring Power, Resources and Choice.  Kristin Masters comments:

not to miss- Miki has a clarity, insight and handle on issues of power and choice that I find revolutionary in my personal and political lives. we need to know if you are coming, or we might cancel, so call 440-8979 NOW, and pass on to others who want to understand using compassionate communication to create the world as we want to live it!

Kelly Bryson “highly, highly” recommends seeing Riane Eisler present on Back to the Future: Igniting Possibility Through Partnership, in Santa Cruz on Friday & Saturday, February, 26 & 27.
She’s the author of: • The Chalice and the Blade • Sacred Pleasure • Tomorrow’s Children: A Blueprint for Partnership Education in the 21st Century • The Power of Partnership: Seven Relationships that will Change Your Life •  Educating for a Culture of Peace • The Real Wealth of Nations • Creating a Caring Economics.

Kelly says-

I think she could easily be called the world’s most prominent feminist,
And after reading her books I think she is one of the most important thinkers in the world,
And has many profound insights about how to personally have a more fully lived life,
And a great deal of wisdom about how we need to grow our consciousness for community
And world peace.  She is one of the very few people with the courage to address the true deep
Challenges between Men and Women, Sexuality, and Power.

For details go to Inner Light Ministries

by John Steven Malkin, NVC Santa Cruz Board member, published in GOOD TIMES Santa Cruz

Local group, Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz, continues to expand

“Compassion is the radicalism of our time,” the Dalai Lama has said.  Locally, we can feel grateful to have a number of radical organizations focused on cultivating compassion in personal, political and spiritual realms.  One such group is Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz, currently celebrating five years of growing and learning in the community. On Saturday, Oct. 17 all are invited to join in the celebration at Funabunda, an extravaganza of “fun in abundance” with delicious food, inspiring music, spectacular magic and a “hungry duck” silent auction.   The event takes place from 4 to 8 p.m. at the Center for Compassion (225 Rooney St., across the freeway from Morrissey Avenue).  Tickets are available for $15 at nvcsantacruz.org or $20 at the door.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a method for connecting with self and others that is rooted in unconditional empathy and authentic expression.  Also known as “the language of compassion” or “mindful communication,” NVC offers a bountiful vocabulary of awareness for sensing feelings and needs and for making requests to meet those needs.  The practice is used worldwide by parents, teachers, couples, neighbors, communities, businesses and social change groups and has benefited so many here in Santa Cruz.

“We have a strong connection with UCSC and have worked with staff, students, and faculty through the years,” says Jean Morrison, local NVC trainer.  “More than 10 schools use our services.  Many spiritual groups sponsor our classes and we’ve worked with county agencies and nonprofits to share the skills of NVC with their staff.”  NVC Santa Cruz offers classes and workshops at The Center for Compassion, including a nine-month integration course.

Jean Morrison was the first NVC teacher in Santa Cruz, landing here in 1996.  She studied with Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of NVC, in the mid-’80s and integrated it into an established counseling practice.  “The positive feedback we get from individuals and groups in Santa Cruz is what keeps me loving getting up in the morning and doing this work,” reflects Morrison.  She is one of five trainers certified in Nonviolent Communication in Santa Cruz who provide services like mediation, conflict resolution, meeting facilitation, counseling and specialized workshops such as Emotions in the Workplace, Gossip Prevention, and Communicating for Success.

Another local NVC trainer and mediator is Christine King. “Part of what we teach,” says King, “is only to say yes if it’s from a place of true natural giving.  We know that if you are saying no it is because there is some other need that you are taking care of in that moment. … The auction at Funabunada is being called a “hungry duck” auction because in nonviolent communication we suggest that people don’t do anything unless they want to do it with the joy of a child feeding a hungry duck.  That’s also been how we’ve asked for auction items: we’re not twisting anybody’s arm, but asking only for what people want to joyfully contribute.”  The auction will feature an abundance of fun and useful items and services including restaurant gift certificates, handmade art, classes for kids and adults, astrology, cranial sacral treatment, kayak rental, photography and life coaching.

During the Funabunda celebration, a delectable buffet of eclectic food will be provided by long-time local chef Jozseph Schultz, the mastermind behind “India Joze” restaurant and regular culinary contributor to art and social change organizations.  Entertainment will abound with The Great Morgani, Stuart Clark’s Jazz Band, Mickey Magic and Armando Alcarez singing and strumming guitar.  The Nonviolent Communication bookstore will be open and there will be opportunities to speak with local NVC trainers and students to discover more about communicating with empathy.

One local student of NVC, Bar Lowenberg, has been taking compassion to the streets of Santa Cruz with a “Free Empathy” table.  For over a year, most Saturday afternoons from 2 to 4 p.m., Lowenberg has set up a table in front of The Gap on Pacific Avenue to offer empathy to anyone who needs some.  “It’s a lot of fun,” says Lowenberg.  “Some people walk by and say things like, “The world could use more of that!” He goes on, “People who sit down really do need some empathy.  They have something going on in their lives and they may not have other places where empathy is readily available.”
King explains a little more about her experience of empathy:  “Empathy is being a witness to the experience of someone else and knowing what it feels like to be in their shoes without thinking I have to agree or disagree with that person.”

Locally, King combines the empathic practice of NVC with a communication model called “restorative circles” to re-establish trust between people after a conflict situation; “Let’s say that vandalism occurs at a school.  What is usually done?  The kids often get suspended or expelled; there’s some punitive retribution.  Instead, this is a process where people come together with understanding and then trust is established.”  Additionally, she’ll be teaching a course at UCSC called “Transformative Action” in which she’ll incorporate NVC ideas.  “I was introduced to social action through protests against war and nuclear weapons,” she says.  “I later found out that it’s more effective to work toward what you’re wanting rather than what you’re against.” Morrison adds, “NVC is a tool and process that helps awaken our minds, hearts, and bodies.”

At the Funabunda event, King and Morrison will be present with the other local NVC trainers—Kelly Bryson, Rick Longinotti, and Kristin Masters—and will be available to answer questions and welcome you to the Center for Compassion.  A session of the popular Conflict Improv will unfold, in which trainers role-play real-life conflicts, acting out a variety of compassionate strategies for resolving communication difficulties.  “The process of NVC takes us out of the paradigm of looking at the world in dualistic terms of good/evil, right/wrong and good/bad and helps us to see that really all of us are functioning at a level of wanting to meet universal needs and values,” reflects King, “Compassion truly is a powerful force.”