“Although attempting to bring about peace in the world through the internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way.” The Dalai Lama

We all want peace and compassion in our homes and communities and within ourselves, yet it is so easy to feel hopeless given news headlines and the conflicts in our daily lives. A powerful sense of hope can be ignited when people come together to experience and practice peacemaking and conflict transformation firsthand. Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz (NVCSC), a local nonprofit, is a hub for rekindling the hope and practice of peace.

Nonviolent Communication strengthens our ability to stay in touch with our humanity, even under challenging circumstances. Instead of habitual responses such as anger or avoidance, our words can become conscious responses based on an awareness of what we are observing, feeling, and wanting. Firstly, notice what is objectively happening (she punched her sister on her arm) is different than our thoughts or judgments about an action (she is disrespectful and mean) and notice our emotional and physical responses to our thoughts (anger, shoulder tension). If we create space for our observations, thoughts and feelings, it can be easier to know our deeper needs (I want safety and respect in our home) and engender curiosity about the deeper needs of others. How this internal journey looks to the outer world (kids) is limitless. One example is, “Safety really matters to me and I’d like peace in our home. Can we slow down and take a few moments to listen to what each of us want?” If there is already trust that we want to understand, not blame or punish, it could simply be, “Let’s hear from everyone what they want.”

The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative. Actually living it can be a bumpy road. As Marshall Rosenberg, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, says, “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” The continued practice and support to live compassionately can be found in the variety of classes offered by NVCSC, such as “Teen Parenting” and “NVC for Couples” or in 9-month Integration programs and 3-day retreats. NVCSC is delighted to support and sponsor the following programs for educators and families:

Educators NVC Retreat (9th annual)
July 6 to 11 NVCSC will sponsor for the second time in this area, “Teach for Life Educators Institute,” a 5-day residential retreat for teachers, administrators, counselors, and homeschool parents. Educators from around the world join local teachers to participate in powerful exercises for NVC skill-development, learn no-fault conflict transformation, and experience supported inquiry, empathy, and visioning. It provides abundant opportunities to network and share best practices with colleagues who also value a class environment that fosters trust and compassion, demonstrating leadership that is both empowered and empowering. This retreat models how “relationship intelligence” can replace “behavior management.”

Conflict Resolution
NVCSC has a new offering called Restorative Circles/Practices that supports schools or any organization in transforming conflict into an opportunity to rebuild understanding, trust, and safety. There are currently two schools in Santa Cruz County incorporating Restorative Practices both as a curriculum tool and as a form of conflict resolution. One teacher shared, “I love the holistic approach of Restorative Practices. Since introducing Sharing Circles in my classroom, I can attest there are fewer conflicts because children are being heard and acknowledged. We’ve used the Restorative Circle process several times to restore trust and connection between parents, teachers, and staff. Having adopted these practices school-wide has made a difference in that we now all know what to do when something occurs that needs mending.”

Peace Camp
August 2 to 6 the Jane Addams Peace Camp (sponsored by Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom, WILPF) is a fun-filled opportunity for kids and teens to learn and experience peace building. It has all the summer camp fun you could imagine—games, art, music, friends, food—integrated into an inspiring and respectful environment that builds children’s problem-solving tools, including NVC concepts and skills, embedded in fun, hands-on experiences. Teens play an active role as Youth Leaders and create their own social awareness activities, community action and mountain retreat. Camp is held on the campus of Orchard School in Aptos.

More Information

An informational evening sharing NVC in the Classroom (6:30pm) and Restorative Practices in Schools (7:00pm) will be held on April 12 at Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz, 225 Rooney Street, off Morrissey Blvd, adjacent to Quaker Meetinghouse. (A coordinator of Jane Addams Peace Camp will also be available for questions.)
Please RSVP at dezbanz@yahoo.com or (831) 824-4682.
NVC Santa Cruz website: www.nvcsantacruz.org
Jane Addams Peace Camp: glitsky@aol.com or 462-9023

Jennifer Young has supported peace in our community as a mediator, Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz board member, Restorative Circles facilitator, and coordinator of Teach for Life and Jane Addams Peace Camp.

In 2007 I went to a daylong “Empathy Intensive” Miki Kashtan was leading at BayNVC’s Oakland office.  During the workshop she addressed the use of the phrases like “giving empathy” & “receiving empathy”.  What I took away from her comments was that this way of describing the process lends itself to misunderstandings about how empathic connection can come about… ie “I need empathy from someone” implies dependence on another when in fact your needs are there, beneath your thinking, ready to receive you.

She shared her preference to instead think of ‘entering an empathic space’ with another person.  This helped me make sense of what I’d heard from Marshall Rosenberg, that empathy is not what you say (and not even what you feel), it’s where you put your attention!  This bring me to the name I’m using for this blog, “Empathic Space” – she uses this term in the video below, roughly two and a half minutes in.  The clip is part of the Empathy Documentary Project.

Miki will be in Santa Cruz Saturday, March 6th for a day exploring Power, Resources and Choice.  Kristin Masters comments:

not to miss- Miki has a clarity, insight and handle on issues of power and choice that I find revolutionary in my personal and political lives. we need to know if you are coming, or we might cancel, so call 440-8979 NOW, and pass on to others who want to understand using compassionate communication to create the world as we want to live it!

Kelly Bryson “highly, highly” recommends seeing Riane Eisler present on Back to the Future: Igniting Possibility Through Partnership, in Santa Cruz on Friday & Saturday, February, 26 & 27.
She’s the author of: • The Chalice and the Blade • Sacred Pleasure • Tomorrow’s Children: A Blueprint for Partnership Education in the 21st Century • The Power of Partnership: Seven Relationships that will Change Your Life •  Educating for a Culture of Peace • The Real Wealth of Nations • Creating a Caring Economics.

Kelly says-

I think she could easily be called the world’s most prominent feminist,
And after reading her books I think she is one of the most important thinkers in the world,
And has many profound insights about how to personally have a more fully lived life,
And a great deal of wisdom about how we need to grow our consciousness for community
And world peace.  She is one of the very few people with the courage to address the true deep
Challenges between Men and Women, Sexuality, and Power.

For details go to Inner Light Ministries